Yet Another Thing I Suck At

Ask any woman to show you her "fat jeans" and she'll know exactly what you're talking about, where they are, and what circumstances would have to befall them before they would actually deign to wear them (i.e. natural disaster in which fat pants are only means of covering oneself; laundry day, etc.). I myself have a pair of "fat jeans," jeans that should never sit at my hips unless I plan on not being seen by any sentient being save my beloved, uncomprehending, and non-judgmental dog, Sophie. However, I didn't know about my "fat jeans" until I hurriedly pulled them on and rushed to work, too hurried to notice the issue until it was Too Late. Once at work, I sat down at my desk and noticed that I felt flabby. I looked down and realized that my thighs were not exactly being advantageously covered. Oh, yes, I had found my "fat jeans," but a little to late to save myself from them.

Now, when a woman says she's wearing her "fat jeans," it doesn't necessarily mean that she is fat, it only means that the jeans themselves have the amazing power of making her feel fat. My jeans did a fantastic job of that. Which leads me to wonder: do other women discover their FJs after having worn them or is it an instinctual thing? Do they feel the power of the jeans once they pull them from the depths of their clean laundry pile, or do they wear them one day only to discover the true horror that the FJs could invoke? One thing is for sure: I now have a pair of jeans to wear in case of an emergency, like I am the last person on earth and there are no sheep close enough to shear in order to wool, card, and knit a decent pair of sweats.